stand and kneel

a few weeks back, i heard Bishop Michael Curry raise a question that has stayed with me: “how do i both stand and kneel at the same time, in my relationship with others?

well, damn.

stand and kneel. both, at once?!

and while it may seem impossible, i knew precisely what he meant and have since drawn on this question in my own practice of growing up.

for Bishop Curry, we’re asked to kneel because “Love is an equal opportunity employer” and because there is no God except God; the kneeling comes with this knowing. the standing comes from being in integrity with our own truth–standing in our power, our own Divine Self.

yessss.

it’s been fun to notice when i experience these postures simultaneously. i’ve surprised at how they show up together. and actually, have begun to wonder if they–in their truest forms–always do.

i want to remember this one moment of standing and kneeling, from today:

we got an email last night that we were at a stand-still with the land contract. there’s been some issues regarding the easement and apparently one party is refusing to sign off. the email left me feeling passive in a process that is designed for that. it didn’t feel right.

western systems and processes carry in their very DNA White Supremacist/Capitalistic/Patriarchal seeds of domination/commodification/othering. how can we be in these systems and not of them? how can we create right relationship within them?

the land has been teaching me this lesson on a deeper level since we’ve begun our journey together…and here, again, was a lesson.

as soon as we entered into the contract and negotiation process, the relationship between the seller (aka James) and the buyer (aka Michael and i) changed. dramatically and immediately. no surprise–this ain’t my first rodeo. and…how might we play the game and also not let the game determine who we are to each other? the “stand-still” email last night signaled that the game was winning.

i headed to the trails today for some much needed sunshine on my face and remembered that i had james’ phone number. we had exchanged phone numbers at the beginning of this process!! that’s who we had been to each other, then! it’s who we still are. so, i sat down by the creek, took a breath and said a prayer with the land, and called him.

he answered and immediately said, “thank you for calling, amy.”

in that moment, i was standing and kneeling. the way i’d describe it, in my own terms, is a “humble knowing” or maybe a “humble truth”.

i called because i remembered who i was; i remembered what i wanted and who i was choosing to be. and there was a humility in my listening and opening to james, in the acknowledgement that the piece of the puzzle i am aware of is only one small piece of a much larger puzzle.

there was no resolution and who knows what will happen. and i know it was the right thing and placed me back in right relationship with Love.

standing and kneeling in humble knowing–a very helpful guidepost.

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